There are no such thing like coincidence in this world, there are only hitsuzen (fate). And in whatever way Yuuko said it, it's true according to my philosophy literature.

I remember learning similar principles back in the university, and I used to hold the statement dear in my heart as my stronghold in my life, specially during the tenure of my hardships. However, the same philosophy lecture said that we are, after all, the weakest creature on earth despite our power and control over the rest of the world, and sometimes it takes us a few lives to get back to our feet, depending on the strength of our mindset.

You bet it's true. When several weeks ago my life decided to jumble, I was left speechless as I try to figure out where to start troubleshooting; because no matter what I do, it produces another chain of bad lucks, one after another, until I feel that I finally come to a dead end. It's hard to admit, but I guess I was hitting the bottom of my brain power.

I started to give up then, thinking that it is the farthest I can go, and that I can't possibly grown any better. I am born a loser (for someone who sets a very high standards on herself) so I'd better wake up and live with it. At least, I am still capable of feeding my family heh.

Certainly, I don't know what did my mom thinking at that time, asking me to company her to a book expo nearby, despite by swollen eyes and lazy attitude, and when I ramble around I stumble upon a book titled "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne on sale. I bought the book on a mere curiosity of what is so great inside that even Oprah had special episode reviewing this book and as I read I was reminded at how stupid I am.

According to that book, the law of attraction will attract similar occasion to our life, according to what we feel/think, and since I hate to fail (read my previous journal entry: Naruto: his dream is to become Hokage) I got more and more agitated in every wrong approach I used to fix my problems. So instead of gaining more calm and strength to keep trying, I sunk deeper in despair and life just get worse.

So, following the book, I tried my best to keep positive, learning everything I can from whatever happened, and at the same time formulate new jutsus to fix my upside down world.

At approximately the same time, my sister in Hawaii send me a deeply concerned email because "she feels bad vibes about me" and "decided to see if something is going wrong with me." She told me that "she doesn't know what is going on, but she had hints that probably I was too busy with business etc. that my life become imbalanced, and therefore, I should probably stop for a while and put things back in order"

Bingo. She hits the bulls eye.

So, I cut off my internet for a few weeks, move away from my hurling world, and try to sort out what is the real reason for my ambition to become the top of the world, and one after another, my life just start to get itself back to its place.

Coincidence? Hitsuzen?